VERY RACEY. QUESTIONABLY PACEY.

ENGINEERING EXCELLENCE *Terms and conditions apply

0
BUDGET (USD)
*excluding safety gear
0
RACE HOURS
*survival not guaranteed
0
BRAVE SOULS
*questionable decisions
MEET THE MACHINE
SCROLL
NEXT RACE STARTS IN
SEARS POINTLESS 2026
SONOMA RACEWAY | SONOMA, CA
MARCH 21, 2026 | 9:00 AM PT
000
DAYS
:
00
HOURS
:
00
MINUTES
:
00
SECONDS

MEET THE TEAM

Four friends. One dream. Questionable mechanical skills.

01

ALEX

TEAM PRINCIPAL

"Someone has to make sure we actually show up with helmets."

1 Person who knows what's happening
100% Responsibility for this chaos
02

BRIAN

TECHNICAL DIRECTOR

"If it works, it works. Who cares if that's not the right part?"

100% Improvised part usage
73% Success rate (surprisingly)
03

JEFF

AERODYNAMICS ENGINEER

"I'm 80% sure I can make it. Maybe 70%. Actually, let me check my calendar..."

47 Conflicting commitments
TBD Actual attendance probability
04

BRYAN

PERFORMANCE ENGINEER

"Will obsess over sim racing for 3 months and dominate. Real track? Different story."

#1 Lap times on the sim
0.1% Chance of being fastest on track

THE BEAST

A masterpiece of questionable decision-making

$500 OF PURE
PERFORMANCE*
*if we had one. Anyone selling on Facebook Marketplace?

OFFICIAL SPECS

MAKE/MODEL To Be Determined
HORSEPOWER Some
TOP SPEED Fast Enough™
0-60 MPH Eventually

ACTUAL SPECS

DUCT TAPE Abundant
ZIP TIES Structural
HOPE Critical Levels
RELIABILITY TBD

PERFORMANCE DATA

Completely made-up numbers that look impressive

PREPARATION LEVELS

CONCERNINGLY LOW
*We should probably go buy helmets

MECHANICAL KNOWLEDGE

MOSTLY COMPETENT*
*3 out of 4 ain't bad

CONFIDENCE LEVEL

UNWAVERING
*Inversely correlated with actual competence

ACTUAL PACE

QUESTIONABLE
*One of us is always faster in iRacing, but who knows if that matters

PIT STRATEGY ANALYSIS

LAP 1
Something breaks
LAP 15
Duct tape applied
LAP 42
Prayer break
LAP 88
More duct tape
LAP 143
Miracle occurs

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